There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
