Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
