you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
