I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
