im about as happy as oj after his trial
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Pooping to opera.
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