So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
