foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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