the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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