forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
