I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
