i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
