i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
