I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
