I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I smell like Dick and happiness
I see more hoeing in ur future
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