talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
