I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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