I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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