Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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