spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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