i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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