i jhust puked up my retainher.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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