She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
