i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
