ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
