ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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