If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
