You really coming over, don't trick.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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