i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
