you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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