My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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