Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
