Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
