You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
