To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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