How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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