I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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