My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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