You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
