I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
