Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
