We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
