I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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