Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
