Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
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