I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
