I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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