when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
