she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
