Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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