I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize