I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize