i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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