hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
