They should really pass out barf bags in church
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
