he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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