cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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