I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
