then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
