She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
