I think my fart just growled at me.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
