Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
