sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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