I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
false alarm, still single
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
