So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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