Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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