You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
