brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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