billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
