I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
