I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
