This dress was meant to end up on your floor
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
