so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
