We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
