i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize