Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
