I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
