Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
