Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize