Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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